THE OPTIMIST Radio
 Starting in 2010, I am merging my occasional radio broadcasts/podcasts with my new weekly comic strip, The Optimist. You can read and listen to all of 'em over at the-opt.com. And I hope you do. These lil' audio stories are supposed to be funny. Or at least mildly entertaining. Or at least not so bad that you'd bother to change the station. I mean, you're probably not going to want to cut yourself when you hear them. They are sorta interesting, especially if you are one of those rare listeners who likes to listen to me talk. Lord knows that I am one of those rare listeners, so surely there must be others. A new piece airs about once a month. The 2009 ones are below, and also archived on the-opt.com. Enjoy?
Subscribe to podcast via Feedburner. Labels: 2010, Audio, Radio
MUSIC: Random Solo Recordings (2009)
I occasionally get the itch to put stuff on tape. (Well, it's 2009 now, so I'll be damned if I'm going to use actual tape. It's just an expression. What am I, a goddamned caveman?)
Anyway, I record stuff once in awhile - it's sloppy & very
unprofessional. I post songs here in a relatively raw form, with the
hope that by making my work semi-public, it will somehow spur me to
keep at it more consistently, or at the very least convince me that I
need to learn how to use all this stupid equipment. Who knows. I don't
know. This page has encouraged me to record six (6)
mediocre songs so far this year, which sextuples my output from 2007
& 2008 (err, combined). So I guess that's...good? If you'd like to
hear my full-band stuff, don't forget to check out good ol' No-Shadow Kick.
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BUT IT GETS GREAT MILEAGE - Here's
a song about my Ford Festiva, god damn it. I wrote it on Monday, demoed
it on Friday, and recorded it on Sunday. It features a long, useless
multi-tracked guitar wanking outro, which is quickly becoming my
trademark. This song was featured on episode 200937 of NPR's Car Talk, Sept.12, 2009. Here's the excerpt from the show, which is sort of silly since you can hear the whole song. Did I cheat 'em? And how! (2:38 - August, 2009)
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I WANT YOU TO MISS ME WHEN I'M DEAD - This
is the first new song I've written in about two years. 'New' as in
not-rehashing-old-material. Rather meager output, I'd say. Anyway, I
have no idea what this song is about. Consumerism or doing chores or
dying or something. This song is a three chord progression played over
and over and over again. Strum along at home! (4:18 - May, 2009)
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DON'T LOSE THAT FEELING
- Here's another old-song-I've-decided-to-re-record. Harkening back to
probably 1993-1994, Haverhill, Massachusetts. Back when I used to write
fairly straightforward lyrics, sort of. Apparently. With the
perspective of a decade-plus, I can say without embarrassment that
I find this song to be somewhat charming - nothing like what
I'd write now, so it sort of felt like I was covering someone else's
song. Which is kinda funny. Sort of. (2:46 - Feb, 2009)
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MODEL HOME - A weird instrumental track I recorded this past weekend, to be used as background music (hopefully way in the background) in a documentary about Arrested Development.
It is appropriately repetitive and not too interesting and oddly
upbeat. Ha. I did not 'write' it really, I just kept layering crap
until it seemed suitably layered. Ho-ho. If you would like to hear this
song and see some animation/title work I did for the documentary,
please take a look at my portfolio. (2:16 - Feb, 2009)
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INTRODUCTION
- This is a song I wrote back in the mid-nineties. I unearthed a crappy
demo of it on a cassette and decided it was sort of retarded but funny,
so I decided to re-recorded it. It is a goofy song very much about
sitting around at the Haymarket back-in-the-day (I'm talkin' old-school
Haymarket, with the side room of books), nursing a long cup of coffee
and drawing terrible comics. Oh, Smith girls. (2:48 - Jan, 2009)
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CAN'T HARDLY WAIT - Here's a strange sort of hybrid version of one of my favorite Replacements songs. It is a combination of the Pleased To Meet Me album version, the Tim demo version, the Boink! acoustic version, plus a smidge of me fucking around with stuff. I recorded it because I felt like it. (3:54 - Jan, 2009)
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Labels: 2009, Audio, Music
THE OPTIMIST: 2009 Radio Segments
Here are a bunch of radio segments I recorded for Bill Scher's Liberal Oasis
on WHMP (Northampton, Mass) in 2009. Some of these pieces are also available for distribution, review, and licensing at PRX.org.
In which the author Googles “Dysnomia,” and then, later, Googles “Dysnomia.” - Note to self: Write a witty description for this. The music for this piece is a de-mix of David Bowie's Space Oddity, available as separate tracks on Amazon, which I think is pretty rad. (4:45)
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ART TALK: TYPOGRAPHY
In which your host takes you on a magical journey of lame graphic designer jokes.
Have you ever wondered why people like me cringe when you show off your lousy inkjet-printed party invitation? The answer is TYPOGRAPHY! Learn to Kern! Become the Sheriff of Serifs! Behold the... uh, phallics of Italics. Maybe? Errr... ANYWAY, give it a listen. This segment aired on WHMP (original radio show podcast available here.)
Keywords: Typography, Kerning, Stupid, Comic Sans.
(3:55, posted Sept 27th, 09)
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MY SIDE OF THE STORY
In which the author smells an opportunity.
This is a parody of a local story, which means that no one outside of
western Massachusetts will understand it, and probably only 20% of
people in
western Massachusetts will understand it, and probably only 3% of them
will hear this segment, and only 1% of them will think it's funny. Oh,
well. Trust me, it's SCATHING. This piece was also made into a comic. This segment aired on WHMP (western Mass.); original radio show podcast available here. Closing music by Terry Bell with Friends.
Keywords: Houses, You smell, Northampton, Exercise, Ripeness.
(3:00, posted Aug 18, 09)
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HOUSES & STUFF
In which the author peers suspiciously through the curtains and auto-dials the police.
This is little thing I wrote to be used as a radio piece, and also as a 2-page comic. This segment aired on WHMP (western Mass.); original radio show podcast available here.
Keywords: Houses, Insecurity, Materialism, I'm a big fat jerk.
(2:30, posted Aug 3, 09)
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NOT LOOKING DOWN THE BARREL OF A GUN
In which the author almost loses his jelly.
This is a major rewrite of a short thing I wrote years and years ago.
The background music is “The Setup", by the fiercely talented No-Shadow Kick. This segment aired on WHMP (western Mass.); original radio show podcast available here.
Keywords: Dunkin Donuts, Armed robbery, Haverhill, Bad New England accents, Boring lives.
(4:11, posted July 13th, 2009)
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I THINK YOU SHOULD SHUT UP
In which the author accidentally leaves the microphone on while watching YouTube clips of Glenn Beck.
The
background music is “Easy Feeling Good Time", which I recorded on a
4-track a long long time ago. This segment aired on WHMP (western Mass.); original radio show podcast available here.
Keywords: I think, You should, Shut up.
(1:49, posted June 15, 2009)
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THE FIGHTIN' SEEBEES!
In which the author stacks boxes, doesn't go anywhere near a submarine, and mispronounces "nuclear" in an unrepentant manner.
The
background music is “Oh, What a Lovely War” by The Jolly Old Fellows
(1930) and “Down in the U-17” by Billy Murray (1916), two
vaguely-relevant songs I found on a very interesting website, FirstWorldWar.com. This segment aired on WHMP (western Mass.) - original podcast available here.
Keywords: Submarines, Seabees, Box-stacking, Toxic poisoning, Government dummies.
(5:02, posted May 18, 2009)
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 TI-99/4A
In which the author discusses his old computer and general dorkitude.
Let's talk about BASIC programming and text adventures. The background music is from the TI game Alpiner and a program called
Video Graph, which I captured off of the nostalgia-inducing Win994a emulator. And just to give you an idea of how shameless I am about recycling my own old bits, here is TI-themed comic I drew in the early 2000s (and I have yet another comic of the same idea, from 1997). This segment aired on WHMP (western Mass.) on May 9th.
Keywords: TI-99/4A, Home computers, 1982, programming, video games, I am sort of a loser.
(4:06, recorded April, 2009)
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Labels: 2009, Audio, Radio
Radio ads for Turn It Up! CDs
Here are a few of my favoritest radio ads that I've written and recorded over the years for Turn It Up! CDs,
with guest voices including my friends 'n' pals Shawn R., Matt S., Matt
D., and Sturgis C. Click here to see some print and television ads I've made for TIU, too. All of the 30 or so ads are available on the Turn It Up website.
The Amazing New Improved TIU Infomercial
Joe Turnett: Sportsfan!
"I LOVE Folk..." (the first ad!)
"I hate this room, and I hate YOU!"
Alien Invasion!
"HO! HO! HO!"
Fabrications & Lies
I Will Rule... The World
Message from Joe Turnett, founder
Joe Turnett, MajikMan
Theme from Indy Record Store
Do Not Ingest This Ad
Crazy Joe Turnett's Used CD Corral
GiftCards: Suspicious (long version)Labels: Audio, Northampton, Radio, Turn It Up CDs
No-Shadow Kick Songs
CHOKING ON THE BLUE HAZE - A song off No-Shadow Kick's 2005 CD Spatializing Sound in the Time Domain. Featuring Shawn Reynolds on guitar, Sturgis Cunningham on drums, and me doin' bass and vocals. It is sort of my theme song, yo.
 IN THE SNOW (radio/web edit) - A song off No-Shadow Kick's 2001 EP The Promo EP. Featuring Shawn Reynolds on guitar, Jamie Gilb doing guest vocals, and me doin' bass and vocals.
 SCARECROW WALTZ - A song off No-Shadow Kick's 1999 CD Basement Make-Out Party. Featuring Shawn Reynolds on drums, Josh Gilb on guitar, and me doin' bass and vocals.
Labels: 1999, 2001, 2005, Audio, Music, No-Shadow Kick
Random Old Songs (1994-2007)
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POP QUIZ ASSHOLE - From "The Vaults" - Here's an, uh, 'audio tribute' I cut together after The Matrix came out. RUN DMC + German Porn music = Magic. (1:34 - June, 2001)
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STANDING AT THE CROSSROADS - Another
one from the pile of old cassette mixdowns... an 8-track (ADAT) song
from the mid-nineties. I was wearing my influences on my sleeve for
this one, for sure. Very wanna-be Nick Cave/Tom Waits. I used to really
like this sort of genre-mimicking, then I was embarrassed by it, and
now I accept it as being a fine exercise and not much else. The
screaming at the end is pretty funny. (3:52 - 1996-ish)
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RED CENT - A
Tom-oldie that I like. It's a rather flawed demo that I recorded
quietly in my bedroom one night, trying to not annoy my housemate
sleeping on the other side of the wall. Which really gave it a weird
low-key thing that I have grown fond of over years of listening to it.
I am bound to re-record a 'proper' version of this song eventually,
probably ruining it in some undefineable way, but that's all right by
me. The lyrics are sort of crap. (3:40 - 1995)
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BIG STINKYHEAD KID - Here's
a very old song I wrote before I ever heard Beck. It is rather short
and nonsensical and pitch-shiftastic. (:50 - 1992-1994?)
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EASY FEELING GOOD TIME - An
instrumental track from, oh, 1992-1995ish? 4-track recording, sloppy,
unrehearsed. If you listen closely, you can hear crap that was on the
cassette before I recorded over it. Is that a fretless bass? I didn't
think I owned a fretless bass back then. Weird. Likely to be
resurrected in an upcoming radio segment as background music. (2:19 - 1994?)
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Labels: 1994, 1995, 1996, 2001, 2005, Audio, Music
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CHOKING ON THE BLUE HAZE - A song off No-Shadow Kick's 2005 CD Spatializing Sound in the Time Domain. Featuring Shawn Reynolds on guitar, Sturgis Cunningham on drums, and me doin' bass and vocals. It is sort of my theme song, yo.
