Starting in 2010, I am merging my occasional radio broadcasts/podcasts with my new weekly comic strip, The Optimist. You can read and listen to all of 'em over at the-opt.com. And I hope you do. These lil' audio stories are supposed to be funny. Or at least mildly entertaining. Or at least not so bad that you'd bother to change the station. I mean, you're probably not going to want to cut yourself when you hear them. They are sorta interesting, especially if you are one of those rare listeners who likes to listen to me talk. Lord knows that I am one of those rare listeners, so surely there must be others. A new piece airs about once a month. The 2009 ones are below, and also archived on the-opt.com. Enjoy?

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Labels: 2010, Audio, Radio

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ART TALK: TYPOGRAPHY  In which your host takes you on a magical journey of lame graphic designer jokes. Have you ever wondered why people like me cringe when you show off your lousy inkjet-printed party invitation? The answer is TYPOGRAPHY! Learn to Kern! Become the Sheriff of Serifs! Behold the... uh, phallics of Italics. Maybe? Errr... ANYWAY, give it a listen. This segment aired on WHMP (original radio show podcast available here.) Keywords: Typography, Kerning, Stupid, Comic Sans. (3:55, posted Sept 27th, 09)

MY SIDE OF THE STORY In which the author smells an opportunity. This is a parody of a local story, which means that no one outside of western Massachusetts will understand it, and probably only 20% of people in western Massachusetts will understand it, and probably only 3% of them will hear this segment, and only 1% of them will think it's funny. Oh, well. Trust me, it's SCATHING. This piece was also made into a comic. This segment aired on WHMP (western Mass.); original radio show podcast available here. Closing music by Terry Bell with Friends. Keywords: Houses, You smell, Northampton, Exercise, Ripeness. (3:00, posted Aug 18, 09)

HOUSES & STUFF In which the author peers suspiciously through the curtains and auto-dials the police. This is little thing I wrote to be used as a radio piece, and also as a 2-page comic. This segment aired on WHMP (western Mass.); original radio show podcast available here. Keywords: Houses, Insecurity, Materialism, I'm a big fat jerk. (2:30, posted Aug 3, 09)

NOT LOOKING DOWN THE BARREL OF A GUN In which the author almost loses his jelly. This is a major rewrite of a short thing I wrote years and years ago. The background music is “The Setup", by the fiercely talented No-Shadow Kick. This segment aired on WHMP (western Mass.); original radio show podcast available here. Keywords: Dunkin Donuts, Armed robbery, Haverhill, Bad New England accents, Boring lives. (4:11, posted July 13th, 2009)

I THINK YOU SHOULD SHUT UP In which the author accidentally leaves the microphone on while watching YouTube clips of Glenn Beck. The background music is “Easy Feeling Good Time", which I recorded on a 4-track a long long time ago. This segment aired on WHMP (western Mass.); original radio show podcast available here. Keywords: I think, You should, Shut up. (1:49, posted June 15, 2009)

THE FIGHTIN' SEEBEES! In which the author stacks boxes, doesn't go anywhere near a submarine, and mispronounces "nuclear" in an unrepentant manner. The background music is “Oh, What a Lovely War” by The Jolly Old Fellows (1930) and “Down in the U-17” by Billy Murray (1916), two vaguely-relevant songs I found on a very interesting website, FirstWorldWar.com. This segment aired on WHMP (western Mass.) - original podcast available here. Keywords: Submarines, Seabees, Box-stacking, Toxic poisoning, Government dummies. (5:02, posted May 18, 2009)

TI-99/4A In which the author discusses his old computer and general dorkitude. Let's talk about BASIC programming and text adventures. The background music is from the TI game Alpiner and a program called Video Graph, which I captured off of the nostalgia-inducing Win994a emulator. And just to give you an idea of how shameless I am about recycling my own old bits, here is TI-themed comic I drew in the early 2000s (and I have yet another comic of the same idea, from 1997). This segment aired on WHMP (western Mass.) on May 9th. Keywords: TI-99/4A, Home computers, 1982, programming, video games, I am sort of a loser. (4:06, recorded April, 2009)

Labels: 2009, Audio, Radio

Here are a few of my favoritest radio ads that I've written and recorded over the years for Turn It Up! CDs, with guest voices including my friends 'n' pals Shawn R., Matt S., Matt D., and Sturgis C. Click here to see some print and television ads I've made for TIU, too. All of the 30 or so ads are available on the Turn It Up website.


The Amazing New Improved TIU Infomercial
Joe Turnett: Sportsfan!
"I LOVE Folk..." (the first ad!)
"I hate this room, and I hate YOU!"
Alien Invasion! 
"HO! HO! HO!"
Fabrications & Lies
I Will Rule... The World
Message from Joe Turnett, founder
Joe Turnett, MajikMan
Theme from Indy Record Store
Do Not Ingest This Ad
Crazy Joe Turnett's Used CD Corral
GiftCards: Suspicious (long version)

Labels: Audio, Northampton, Radio, Turn It Up CDs